Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
