i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
