fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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