Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
