He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
