you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
