I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
