What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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