My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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