she smelled like a LAN party
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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