The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
