i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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