he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
