Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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