Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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