If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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