He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
