so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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