Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
