and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
