I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
