just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
