I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
