i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
