When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
