i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
