I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
