Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
