I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
