There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
