remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
