bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
