dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
