Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
