you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
