I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
