God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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