Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
