Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
