If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
