y did u give ur computer a hand job?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
