Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
