I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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