Whod you bang
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
