You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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