If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
