great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
