1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
