thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
