No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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