Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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