i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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